Your relationship with anyone is dependent on your thoughts about them.
Many of you will say your thoughts about them are dependent on what they do and how they behave, but that isn’t it. Your thoughts about them will be dependent on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.
You can’t have love for someone. You just have love when you think about them.
You can’t be mad at someone. You can only have thoughts that make you mad.
Someone can’t hurt your feelings. You simply have thoughts that hurt.
Pick someone you have a bit of trouble loving at the moment and want to improve your relationship with them.
Judge this person. Do not hold back. Let all the “ugly” judgments out of your head and onto paper. Don’t edit yourself or try to be appropriate or kind. Get it all out.
Now, go back through the list and notice how many of these judgments are also true about you. Circle the ones that are. Notice that most judgments of others are projections we have of ourselves.
Remember that your relationship with someone is all about your thoughts about them and yourself within that relationship. There are three categories of thoughts you need to manage in each relationship:
- How do you want to think about yourself in this relationship?
- How do you want to think about them in this relationship?
- How do you want to define and think about your relationship together?
How do you want to think? Spend some time really considering that carefully. Remember that your relationship with someone is all about your thoughts about them, so practice thinking the thoughts that will get you the relationship you want.
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