Why Mom GUILT Can Be a Gift

I think most Moms succumb to Mom GUILT from time to time, and that is normal. I think it only becomes a problem when we use it as a weapon against ourselves.

GUILT is an emotion that occurs when a person believes, accurately or not, that they have compromised moral standards and bear responsibility for it. As Mothers, we also experience GUILT when we worry we’re falling short of expectations in some way. GUILT is closely related to the concept of remorse as well as shame. As you can imagine, it doesn’t usually feel good. Especially when we start to believe there is something wrong with us, and use GUILT as a tool to punish ourselves. 

I would like to suggest that we think about GUILT in a different way, and consider GUILT as a yellow light, or a cautionary signal to pause and consider your next actions. In fact it can be a gift to remember to think before taking your next action.

I consider GUILT to be a signal that the two options before you right now are in conflict with each other. When you feel GUILT, it’s a signal to pause and consider what two things are in conflict for you. It doesn’t mean that there is a clear right or wrong decision on the table. Most of the time both of the options are good options that are important to you, which is why it is creating conflict for you at the moment. You probably want to do both, but have to make a choice. 

What two things are in conflict for you right now? Do you want to work out, but feel GUILTY taking the time away from your child? Do you want some time for yourself, but feel GUILTY letting your kids watch a movie? Don’t let that feeling of GUILT make you feel like you have done something wrong. Remember, this is just a signal letting you know that you should consciously consider your two options.

There is not necessarily a right or a wrong choice to make. Usually both options are good options. Now think about what you want to do. Slow down as if you are approaching a yellow traffic light and consider if you want to keep going? Or do you want to make a change? 

Moms have a unique talent for being nurturing to others and relentlessly tough on ourselves. Trust yourself and your intuition. Trust your decision to move forward with this particular internal conflict. 

What do you want to do in this situation? If you decide to workout, you will feel good about yourself and can perhaps find time later to spend quality time with your children. Or would you prefer to spend the time now with your family, and workout after the kids have gone to bed? 

Own your decision. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t beat yourself up regardless of which choice you made. Each choice has drawbacks and benefits. Don’t just focus on the drawbacks. Remember to consider the benefits too. If the GUILT comes up again, remember that you made that choice for a good reason, and that you considered the decision well. Even if you end up later feeling you made the wrong decision, you can learn that the next time you face this conflict, you will choose to make a change and try something else next time. No GUILT necessary.