As you are trying to adjust to a new country, one often sinks at some point into a transition SLUMP. Humans make sense of the world and their lives by following routines and taking familiar things for granted. Research claims that 95% of our lives are unconscious, or basically ruled by routine. Moving overseas changes everything at once.
The physical environment assaults you with new sights, sounds and smells. The time zone and climate may be different. The rhythms of daily life are unfamiliar. You may face a new job, or no job. You may have moved from a suburban house to a big city apartment or vice versa. The habits and expectations of the people around you are confusing. Everything takes more work to figure out, and to actually accomplish.
When babies are overstimulated, they cry or turn away. Adults are not so different. We may become irritable or withdrawn. Some expats fall into a pattern of working late, staying at home reading or watching TV, and generally avoiding the host country. The trouble with avoidance is that it rarely produces a satisfying lifestyle. In fact, it offers all the disadvantages and none of the advantages of being abroad.
One strategy to avoid overwhelm is to consciously put structure and predictability into your life by establishing new daily routines for meals, exercise and free time. A second strategy is to try to strike a balance between exploring the new environment and withdrawal. Learning about your new environment will help you feel more comfortable and confident there, but don’t try to do it all at once.
Another typical symptom of transition SLUMP is homesickness. You may find yourself missing family, friends, familiar places, and some of the ordinary aspects of your previous life. At least you knew what to do with garbage back there! Grief for these losses is natural and real and will take time to work through.
Balancing is usually the most helpful advice. Communicating regularly with people back home, but also getting out and building friendships in your new environment. Look forward to visits home in the future and invite loved ones to visit you. Find ways to satisfy your cravings for something familiar, but also remind yourself of the aspects of your home or work that you were quite happy to leave behind.
All the cross-cultural blunders we make start to take a toll on our self-confidence. Feeling dependent on other people can be challenging. Learning the language, or at least an aspect of the new country that really interests you can help. Additionally, stay true to yourself by finding ways to keep up with hobbies or interests or at least connect with like-minded others.
Homesickness and the insecurity of the first months are triggers for feelings of sadness and self-doubt that may be followed by signs of depression. It hit me four months in around the time of American Thanksgiving. One of my good friends from home came to visit just as I was hitting my lowest point where I was really doubting my decision to move overseas. It really helped to see through her eyes how exciting my new city was, and get a positive perspective on what I was experiencing.
Other tips are to keep busy and involved with people. Schedule something every day such as a language class, seeing the sights, or meeting a new friend. Try not to bottle up your negative feelings. Writing in a journal is a great way to get those thoughts out of your head, and to acknowledge them as normal. Eat right, spend time outdoors, exercise and get enough sleep. Physical factors definitely have an effect on your mood.
If you find yourself snapping at your mate or sobbing over the laundry facilities, remember that you are just going through a normal adjustment process. It is natural to experience negative thoughts about the people you perceive put you in this situation: your company, your mate, or the local people with their confusing and frustrating ways. Instead of pounding people or things, try laughter to reduce stress and get some perspective when everything seems to go wrong. Take regular breaks to do things you enjoy. Practice stress-reducing techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, massage, sports, running, nature, or music.
When you find yourself feeling angry and stressed, have compassion for yourself and ask yourself what is bothering you most. Keep asking yourself what is going on until you get at the heart of the situation. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Whether it is getting a free trial coaching session with me, or leaning on a fellow expat, friend or new acquaintance, it can be very helpful to get out of your own head and get someone else’s perspective.
If you would like to continue this work with me, then schedule a free trial coaching session.
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