The Monkey and the Fish

Today I would like to share a story from a book by Duane Elmer, “Cross-Cultural Connections: Stepping Out and Fitting In Around the World,” called The Monkey and the Fish. Duane Elmer retold this story that was credited originally to Ann Templeton Brownlee.

A typhoon had temporarily stranded a monkey on an island. In a secure, protected place, while waiting for the raging waters to recede, he spotted a fish swimming against the current. It seemed obvious to the monkey that the fish was struggling and in need of assistance. Being of kind heart, the monkey resolved to help the fish.

A tree precariously dangled over the very spot where the fish seemed to be struggling. At considerable risk to himself, the monkey moved far out on a limb, reached down and snatched the fish from the threatening waters. Immediately scurrying back to the safety of his shelter, he carefully laid the fish on dry ground. For a few moments the fish showed excitement, but soon settled into a peaceful rest. Joy and satisfaction swelled inside the monkey. He had successfully helped another creature.

In what ways might you be like the monkey?

The monkey was courageous, had good intentions and noble motives. However, he acted out of his ignorance or limited frame of reference, and ended up doing damage rather than the good he intended. 

Have you seen anyone act like the monkey?

I think this story makes a point that well intentioned offers can provide help that is not needed and may even be harmful when you don’t truly understand the culture of your new country and they don’t follow your cultural norms. Whether you are the monkey or the fish in this story is less relevant. More important is trying to understand each other. Not judging situations or people by your home culture standards. Realizing that your perspective is just one side of the story. Their perspective is just as real and just as important. 

I also think that this story is a perfect illustration of one step in a tool that I teach my clients: circumstances are neutral. The typhoon and raging waters are neutral. They are just a fact. The monkey and the fish had both survived the initial risks posed by the storm. Then the monkey interprets the neutral situation, by thinking that the fish was struggling and in need of help. This thought created a feeling in the monkey of compassion and determination to help. This thought and feeling generated the actions the monkey took to rescue the fish and those actions resulted in the death of the fish.

Had the monkey observed the fish swimming against the current and chose a different thought, such as “Wow, look at the determination of that fish!” then the results would have been very different. The monkey might have just cheered the fish on from the sidelines, the fish would have lived, and the monkey would have witnessed something amazing. 

This story is an important example to help us realize it is not the circumstances or situations or facts that we face that cause our feelings, but the way we interpret them or the thoughts we choose to think about them. Just realizing and accepting that your circumstances are neutral will help you stop focusing on external factors and start owning the power you have to create the life you want regardless of where you are in the world. 

Cross-cultural differences can make your overseas experience so rich. They can also be frustrating. Try to act like an anthropologist and observe and try to understand these differences. This will allow you to grow from the experiences. Acting like a judge and jury when faced with cultural differences will only frustrate you and likely will reenact your own version of this story.