The first technique for living the life you have always wanted no matter where you are living is learning to separate FACT from story. A FACT is something that is known or proven to be true. For this technique we also need to add that a FACT is something that everyone would agree on. The story is what our brain is making that FACT mean.
Here is an example from one of my clients. She moved to Zurich, Switzerland over a year ago and hates it. When I asked her why she hated it, she had a list of reasons including the people are not friendly, the food is horrible, the healthcare is not good, and the country is awful.
The only FACT she actually listed is the date she moved to Switzerland. All the rest of that is the story her brain is telling her about that move. While I am certain she is not the only person in the world who feels that way about parts of Zurich, not everyone would agree with any of her reasons. When I looked at worldwide rankings for quality of life, Zurich consistently ranked in the top 10 cities regardless of which ranking system I consulted. Therefore I would assume that there are lots of benefits of living in Zurich, none of which my client was able to list.
Why are FACTS so important? Because FACTS don’t hurt! FACTS are neutral. Moving is neutral. The story our brain tells us about those FACTS is what causes us pain or joy. My client was choosing to interpret her move as negative. Once our brain is on the negative trail, it will be on the lookout for more negatives to prove itself right. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sometimes we believe our story so strongly that we are convinced it is a FACT. My client believed Switzerland was awful and was convinced it was FACT and true. Of course in that frame of mind, she was constantly on the lookout for negative aspects to prove herself right. When you tell yourself you hate your new country, you will hate it and constantly find new reasons to hate it. Identifying and understanding this pattern of believing your story is actually a FACT is much easier from an outside perspective. That is why getting coached can be so valuable, because your coach can clearly see the difference when you can’t.
The good news is that the story your brain is creating is just a thought and not FACT. You could just as easily choose to believe moving is a neutral FACT. You could approach your new country with curiosity, almost like an anthropologist. You could look for all the interesting new rituals, foods, and customs there. You could decide that the new move is going to be an adventure and find each new challenge exhilarating. It is totally up to you to decide what story you want to tell about the FACTS or circumstances in your life. So why not choose a thought that serves you instead of one that creates pain?
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