RESTLESS

Some people become expats because of their RESTLESS nature. You know the type, constantly in search of greater excitement in the next activity or in constant busyness. Rarely at peace or content with the current activity or country. Is there a bit of RESTLESSNESS in you? I know I struggle with it.

Sometimes these characteristics can seem exciting. They can show themselves by seeking constant new stimulation, or seeking excitement and variety instead of comfort or safety. Often RESTLESS people stay very busy, juggling many different tasks and plans. We can justify these behaviors with very common mantras such as, “Life is too short.” “Life must be lived fully.” Or, “I don’t want to miss out.”

If we look up to some of these RESTLESS attributes, then what’s the problem? Because those positive qualities are really just lies we tell ourselves. 

Underneath the surface of the fun and excitement of the RESTLESSNESS is an anxiety-based escape from being present and experiencing each moment fully, which might include dealing with unpleasant things. Being RESTLESS avoids a real and lasting focus on the issues and relationships that truly matter. Others have a difficult time keeping up with the frenzy and chaos brought by the RESTLESS and are unable to build anything sustainable around it.

Being easily distracted, too scattered, and bouncing from unpleasant feelings very quickly are common. Your follow through and productivity suffer. 

RESTLESS thoughts lie and say they will help you get the most out of life by jumping from one to the next activity. But in reality you are not living in the present, because these RESTLESS tendencies are always thinking of what to do next. So instead of experiencing life fully, you don’t really experience life deeply at all because you always want to be somewhere else more interesting or exciting. 

One thing to consider is “What are the negative emotions behind your RESTLESS behavior?” Is it because you are bored or not happy with your current situation? Or another reason? 

The most effective strategy for weakening RESTLESS behavior is to simply observe and label your RESTLESS thoughts or feelings every time you notice them, for instance, “There goes that Drifter again.” You might wonder how this simple act of observing and labeling could possibly have a big impact on you. It does, and here’s why: By its very nature, RESTLESSNESS does far greater damage when it does its work while hiding under the radar, pretending it is your friend or that it is your true nature. Observing and labeling it blows its cover and discredits its voice.

Once you have observed and labeled regularly, you can even anticipate its voice, and you will be able to intercept and let go of those thoughts easily when they arise.

Try to anticipate a RESTLESS hijacking. What might be a situation today that would trigger him? Picture yourself in that situation, then imagine yourself labeling the thoughts as RESTLESS and let them go. Or remember a situation that has already happened when you were hijacked by RESTLESSNESS. Now imagine yourself not getting hijacked, but instead noticing it, labeling it as RESTLESS and having a more positive response. Maybe you become very present to what you are doing and see it through, maybe you stop multitasking and really focus, maybe you explore what is interesting about what you are already doing and engage more of your senses so you can be more present, or any other way you can find to shift from RESTLESS to a more grounded energy.

Pick one thing in your life that’s causing you particularly high distress or RESTLESSNESS right now. Try the Three-Gifts technique on it: think of at least three ways the problem could turn into a gift and opportunity at some point in the future.

These three techniques, observing and labeling your RESTLESS thoughts, anticipating and intercepting RESTLESS thoughts, and using the Three-Gifts technique on the situation, can help you weaken RESTLESSNESS. The best part is that each time you weaken your RESTLESSNESS, you strengthen your ability to learn and grow and deal with these situations.