RESENTMENT 2.0

When my marriage was at its lowest point, I convinced my husband to go to marriage counseling. Initially I found it helpful as it was a safe place to discuss painful feelings that we had been ignoring for years. Diminishing returns happened, and suddenly we stalled. Then the counselor told me that I needed to let go of my RESENTMENT. Of course I had no idea how to do that. So I Googled it. I landed on the website of a life coach, listened to her podcast on RESENTMENT and it helped. I kept listening, and eventually hired her as my coach, which helped me move forward and let go of my RESENTMENT. I created some real transformation, and became a life coach to help others get their desired results too.

My topic today is about the feeling that brought me to life coaching, RESENTMENT. 

What is RESENTMENT? Basically the baggage of old thought and emotion.

RESENTMENT will contaminate other areas of your life. While you think about and feel RESENTMENT for something that has already happened (or not happened), its negative emotional energy can distort your perception of an event that is happening in the present or influence the way in which you speak or behave toward someone now.

How can you let go of RESENTMENT? First you need to realize that RESENTMENT is only hurting you. My husband never felt my RESENTMENT, nor was he hurt by it. I was the only one suffering from my RESENTMENT. No one but you feels your RESENTMENT and no one but you gets hurt by it. 

A painful thing I learned along the way, is that whatever you think people are withholding from you – praise, appreciation, loving care, etc. – is what you need more of in your life, so give it to them. By giving it to them, you will feel it yourself. Don’t expect them to give it to you. You create it within yourself.

Then you need to let go of the story and return to the only place of power, the present moment. Don’t resist the feelings. Don’t turn to judging yourself or others. Judging is often the cause of RESENTMENT. You think people should be acting differently and things should be happening that aren’t. Fighting with the reality in front of you brings you pain and nothing positive.

So without resisting or judging, think about what you want in your life and consider what you can do right now to work towards those results yourself. Don’t passively wait for someone else to deliver those results to you.

My final wisdom that I learned, is that I am never upset for the reason I think. I thought my RESENTMENT stemmed from my husband putting my daughter and I low on his list of priorities, but really I was mad at myself for putting myself and my own priorities so low on my own list. I wasn’t doing what I wanted to be doing. I was also training my family on how they should treat me. If I was my lowest priority, why shouldn’t they put me low on their priority list too?

Try turning it around on yourself. Think about why you are feeling RESENTFUL. Instead of looking to other people or other circumstances for the cause of those feelings, ask yourself, “How could I be the one creating those feelings?”

To recap, stop hurting yourself by bottling up your feelings and feel them instead. Stop judging others, yourself and situations by how you think they should be, and accept what is instead. Consider what you want in your life, or what you feel is lacking, and start creating that yourself. Giving it to others helps you create it in your own life. Turn the tables and ask yourself how you could actually be doing exactly what it is you are RESENTING. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Looking from the outside gives one perspective that is often impossible to obtain for yourself. Doing this work is so worth it – trust me – I’ve been there!