Generally, I like to think about all the pluses to living abroad such as meeting new people, going new places and trying new experiences. I think it is important to make the most of the situation you are in, which usually has me enjoying my expat life.
But today I read something that had me focused on one of the toughest aspects for me of living abroad; being far away from friends and family, and struggling to build a support network. Even though I have been living abroad for over 20 years, this doesn’t always get easier, especially since the new friends you make are often expats who move away eventually too.
While reading about depression in The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor, I came across this tidbit of information, “the greatest predictor of success and happiness is your social support network. Having a strong social support network is the best guarantee of heightened well-being and lowered stress.” It is basically an antidote for depression and a prescription for high performance.
Of course this makes a lot of sense. We were taught to work hard, be successful and then you’ll be happy. However, research shows it works the other way around. When we are happier and more positive, we become more successful.
So, are we fated to misery while abroad because it will take us a while to build a social support network? I think not. But I do think it explains why many people are unhappy abroad and fantasize about a fictional perfect world that they left behind.
I also think it provides a lot of motivation to go out there and meet people. Get to know your neighbors, co-workers, and mothers of your children’s friends. Join a club, play a sport, learn the language and chat up the people there with similar interests.
You are not alone, as this is the number one challenge for expats. Assume that the other people around you are in a similar situation and would also be interested in building up their social support network, as it clearly has huge benefits.
Most importantly, be willing to make the social investment. Friends won’t just fall out of the sky. The most successful people invest in their friends, peers and family members to propel them forward. Be willing to invest in the people you meet and cultivate them into your social network, as well as invest in your family and friends from home or other places you’ve lived. Isn’t it great that the internet and social media helps us stay connected long after we’ve moved away. Just don’t let it keep you from getting out there today and meeting new people.
If you are feeling lonely and struggling to connect with others, I suggest you reach out for help. It is often your own mindset that is attracting or repelling other people. We tend to blame others (they aren’t my kind of people), or situations (not the right place to meet the right people), but there is a lot that we can control. Relationships are really just the thoughts we have about other people, and our thoughts are something we can definitely control.
Contact me for a free consultation call to find out more about how we can work together to help you build a social support network. Research shows your social network is directly correlated to your happiness, so investing an hour to find out more is totally worth it.