MONEY can be such a sore topic when moving abroad, especially with a partner. Some of the battles we had beforehand. I will never forget my partner putting a price tag on every item I wanted to ship abroad and coldly stating that my possessions were not worth the cost of shipping. I could actually hear the calculator going on the phone. I hung up.
Other battles were unspoken. I had given up my job to move abroad to be with him. We certainly didn’t discuss beforehand how we would handle MONEY with just one paycheck. I had never been financially dependent as an adult, and it was downright shameful for me.
Have you discussed MONEY yet? How are you going to feel when you become totally financially dependent on your partner? Will your partner put you on an allowance? Will he contribute to your pension if you will no longer be able to contribute through a job?
These are some of the sticky subjects couples don’t want to think about before they move, never mind speak about openly.
I was so embarrassed to ask my husband for MONEY that I secretly drained my remaining bank account in my home country instead of approaching him for MONEY. I felt like a little kid asking for MONEY, I wanted to avoid the confrontation about what I wanted to spend MONEY on, plus I hated the dependency of it all.
As much as men don’t want to admit it, they do feel they have more power when they are the only ones making the MONEY. That can change the balance within the relationship.
Talking about MONEY creates tension, but so does avoiding it altogether.
Too many women are dangerously uninvolved in family finances. Sharing responsibility even if you aren’t earning can be rewarding and make your partnership more balanced.
Receiving an allowance may be a practical solution, but it does nothing to alleviate the stress of having to go to “Daddy” for lunch MONEY. Most men don’t know the price of everyday items, which can put you in allowance hell.
Emotionally, MONEY means different things to different people, and that difference can be exasperated between men and women.
Here are some ideas around MONEY matters. First, plan budget meetings. Tension is created by the costs associated with moving into a new home. MONEY flies away. Plan your budget meeting carefully, especially the amount of time you will devote to it. Belaboring issues that create stress is not helpful. You can counteract the tension by doing something fun together immediately afterwards. In other words, put the discussion in its place and try to move forward.
Share your financial histories. The way you make financial decisions may be eerily reflective of the way your parents did. Talk to each other about MONEY and the ways it has been used and abused in your past.
Cultivate some play MONEY. It is liberating to have the ability to spend some MONEY without pre-authorized clearance. It helps to have some MONEY that you consider your MONEY that you can spend as you see fit.
Question your beliefs about MONEY. Many of us don’t realize that we have beliefs about MONEY that are not true, but worse yet, that hold us back. It is time to start talking openly about MONEY, to question our long held beliefs about it, and to stop attaching our happiness to it.
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