Finding Your Purpose

In The Path to Purpose, William Damon, a leading scholar of human development and professor at Stanford University, condensed the many definitions of purpose and proposed the following abbreviated definition: Purpose is a stable and generalized intention to accomplish something that is at the same time meaningful to the self and consequential for the world beyond the self.

The combination of a successful career, a loving family, and a strong social network may seem like the recipe for a perfect life. However, even those who can check each of those boxes might feel like something is missing—and that “something” is their purpose in life.

People are happier and healthier when they are pursuing work that is meaningful, and especially when their work has a positive social impact. In fact, doing altruistic deeds lights up the same reward centers in your brain as when you eat chocolate or have sex! By contrast, research shows that many of the other things people pursue to make themselves happy, such as fame, fortune, and good looks, do not lead to greater life satisfaction or well-being.

Research performed by Princeton University’s renowned psychology scholar Daniel Kahneman supports these findings. He reports that the importance of being engaged with something you find absorbing, challenging, and compelling—especially if it is a valued contribution to the world beyond yourself—is an important predictor of happiness.

Big changes in our life, like moving overseas, getting married, having children, getting divorced, losing our job, etc. often have us searching anew for our purpose. It’s natural and normal. But feeling empty or lost doesn’t feel good. Sometimes we want to rush through it, and find ourselves fast. However, taking the time you need to work through these big thought provoking questions is so worth it.

How can you start finding your purpose?

Start by considering what issues, ideas or people move you. These are things that you are connected to, things that make your heart beat faster, whether because you find them deeply compelling, infuriating, or thrilling. Here are a series of questions to help trigger your thoughts. You can directly respond to these questions in a journal, or you can ignore the prompts and free-write about what moves you.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What issues or ideas make your heart beat faster, whether because you are so deeply compelled by them, because you are angered by them, or because you are overjoyed by them?
• What is the primary topic of the articles you always read, and the movies, books and TV shows that most attract you?
• Who are ‘your people’?
• Have you ever stood up for anyone? Who? Why? Who would you stand up for, and why?
• What social or environmental problem do you ache to see solved?

If you are struggling to answer any or all of these questions, one place to start might be finding books that matter to you in the bookstore or library, and they might help you see what matters in your own life. 

Finding your purpose isn’t something that can be done in a few days, weeks or months. It can be a lifelong journey, and it can only be done one step at a time. Remember, you aren’t trying to win the Nobel Peace Prize or end world hunger, rather you are trying to find some way to meaningfully contribute, even in a small way.

Ask yourself questions like: Are the things that I am doing meaningful to me? Are they pleasurable? Is my mind telling me that I should be doing different things with my time? Is my heart telling me that I must change my life?

Finally try the “I Love” exercise, where for one minute you write or say everything you love that comes to mind. Then consider what surprised you or what you found interesting. How often do you do the things you listed? How can you incorporate doing more things you love into your life?

You also might find that your purpose changes over time. If you find yourself spinning in indecision during this process, remember that feeling fulfilled never comes from outside circumstances, rather it can only come from within. Try reading last week’s blog post on taking action to find your footing abroad to help get unstuck, when you need it.