After building a close friendship over two years with a great woman that inspired me, I had to say goodbye. She got an amazing job offer in the U.S., a land she had never even visited, and she and her husband were off. I was left behind. I was left to find new friends and new paths on my own. I have to admit that at first I didn’t have the energy or the will. There was no one in my immediate circle that could hold a candle to my best friend. Part of me didn’t want to try to find new friends. Maybe it was a strange way to protect myself from having to go through the LOSS ahead of time.
Saying goodbye to good friends is how becoming an expat starts, and unfortunately it is something most of us face again and again during our time overseas. The nature of the expat life is transient. People move on to new countries and new opportunities, or move back to their home country. The chances that when you make good friends, at least one will move away, is quite good. While you can’t control whether your friends stay or go, you can control how you handle it.
Let’s be honest, I was grieving for the LOSS of my friend for some time. I think it is important to feel your feelings of LOSS, instead of trying to push them away, or putting on a good face. Trying not to feel leads to causing yourself a lot of pain eventually. That doesn’t mean that you have to stay stuck there though. My friend will always be someone who had a great impact on my life and who I am thankful that I crossed paths with.
I was truly excited for my friend landing an amazing job opportunity. Feeling sad that she was going did not dampen the happiness I felt for her success. Thanks to social media it has become easier to keep in contact with people, and to follow what they are doing. While our relationship will never be the same, she can still be in my life, which I treasure.
My friend moving on to bigger and better inspired me to think about my own goals, and frankly I had extra time now that my social circle was greatly diminished to dedicate to those goals. Even LOSING her was an inspiration to bigger and better for me. I got very serious about my job search and within a year found a great job opportunity for myself.
Once my friend left, without even realizing it, I began to accept social opportunities as they came. While I didn’t manage to replace the hole left by the departure of my best friend, when I look through my photo album from that year, it was amazing all the things I enjoyed with others. I went to Oktoberfest with work colleagues, some of whom I had only known for three weeks. With other work colleagues I went on vacation to Crete, Halloween parties, Christmas markets throughout Germany, ski week, etc. Without even realizing it, other people became increasingly more important to me, and I continued to enjoy my expat experience.
When I reflect on my lessons learned, I have always known that being an expat gives me a wonderful opportunity to meet so many different kinds of people, coming from very different backgrounds. We are so fortunate to find and make good friends with amazing people while abroad. While it is sad when they move on, it is also another opportunity to get out there and meet more new people who will add new elements and experiences to your life. So mourn the LOSS of good friends moving on, and then look forward to the next adventures with new people who will continue to add to the richness of your expat life experience.
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