When I moved to Berlin, I didn’t know a lick of German, not one word. My husband is German, so I had convinced myself that it wouldn’t be so bad. If I had problems communicating, I just assumed I would be able to lean on him. The reality was that most of those moments happened when my husband wasn’t around. I would dread it when our phone rang at certain hours of the day as I knew that with the time zones, it couldn’t be anyone that I knew from America. The pit in my stomach came because I knew it would be someone speaking German and I wouldn’t be able to understand or communicate. The amount of times I told my husband that someone called today about something, and I think it might have been a repairman, is too many to remember. Those messages were so unhelpful. I often bought the wrong item at the grocery store because I was shopping via the picture on the label, which turned out to be misleading. I had so many other frustrating experiences in so many different situations because of my inability to communicate. If you have moved to a new country where they speak a language that you don’t, I’m sure you can relate and could add numerous other frustrating, and sometimes funny, stories.
Because my husband is German, I thought it would be a good idea to take German lessons so that I could understand an essential part of him, as well as be able to communicate in my new home. I also found myself not working for the first time in my life, so learning German gave me something to do. I enrolled in a language school, and was probably the most studious one in the class. I always did my homework. I made vocabulary flash cards, and I tried to expose myself to German as much as possible. I usually convinced myself that I was crushing it! Until I would go with my husband to a dinner party, where I wouldn’t understand anything or be able to say a word, until someone would finally ask me where I was from. That one I knew! That one I could answer! And that would be it for the entire evening. How could I be spending everyday for months learning German and still not be able to carry on a conversation? So many times I just wanted to give up and be that girl that said, “I just don’t get languages.”
Another part of me wondered why I thought it should be so easy, why I thought it should just come to me. Somewhere inside of me I must have realized that I was making progress.
So many of us have the idea that it shouldn’t ever be a struggle or it shouldn’t be hard or it shouldn’t challenge us. That’s just not true. Anything that you are wanting in your life, I believe is an invitation to EVOLVE. And to EVOLVE, you have to change. Change is rarely a comfortable process. Change usually requires a lot of courage. It requires facing old belief systems that are holding you back.
If your goal is to be at ease in your life all of the time and to be comfortable all of the time, it’s going to be very challenging for you to EVOLVE. It’s going to be very challenging for you to learn a new language, create something new, or achieve anything else you want in your life.
EVOLVING, even though it comes with challenges, is what we’re meant to do. It’s why we are here. It’s why we have desires that are outside of our reach. When you start thinking about that desire that seems out of your reach, it brings up your doubt and your frustration. That feels like anything but ease. It’s not easy. That brings up doubt, frustration, lack of self-belief, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, everything.
I could have given up on German. I could have said, “I can’t,” or “It’s impossible,” or “I’m just not a language person.” Plenty of other people I met in Germany did just that. The truth is they chose not to stick with it. They chose not to go through that discomfort and EVOLVE into the next version of themselves.
I am so proud of my choice to keep learning until I ran out of courses. It took me years to learn German. It was a lot easier to go to classes daily when I wasn’t working. After a year or so, I got a full time job. I didn’t really have the time that I had before for German classes. I am so proud of myself for still going to night classes twice a week. For finding the time to do my homework, for continuing on until I finally one day realized that the news program I was watching with my husband on TV was in German. And I had understood it all!
It has made a huge impact on my life. I understand parts of my husband that I didn’t get before. I developed a relationship with his family who spoke no English. Hmm, perhaps that was easier before we could understand what the other was saying! I feel so much more confident going about everyday activities like shopping, or answering the phone. I engage with my neighbors and people everywhere I go. But most of all, I am so proud of all the effort I made to learn something new that enriched my life, especially since it was so bloody hard for me.
So if you are living in a new land with a new language, I can only encourage you to choose to EVOLVE and learn the new language. After you make that decision to EVOLVE, all hell is going to break loose. It’s not going to be pretty. You’re going to whine. You’re going to cry. You’re going to doubt. You’re going to want to hide. You’re going to be frustrated. You’re going to want to give up and go back to being comfortable. It’s what happens.
Despite that, allow yourself to feel courageous and committed. It is not going to be easy as you EVOLVE. As you begin to EVOLVE, it becomes less and less uncomfortable. Because you’re required to acquire a whole new set of belief systems, a whole new way of thinking in order to take action in a whole new way. That’s what your identity is built up of. It’s all your opinions of what you’re capable of, about what you can do, about what you can’t do. In order to EVOLVE, you have to change what you think you’re capable of.
Not only do you EVOLVE your thoughts, but then you’ll notice that your emotions will EVOLVE into courage and commitment and determination, which might not feel as good as ease. That’s why most of us like to stay the same because we don’t want to go into a more uncomfortable emotion even though it’s more useful. I think when we stay the same for too long, it becomes literally painful for us not to EVOLVE. It can be a subtle EVOLVEMENT. It doesn’t have to be something that you’re going to get a lot of applause from or that other people would even notice.
EVOLVE means cumulative changes over time. You can look at how much you’ve EVOLVED from when you were eighteen. We go to university. We get married. We are forced sometimes to EVOLVE. There’s no real option there. I think the same is true when you move overseas.
What do you want your life to look like? What do you want to do with your time in your new country? With the rest of your life? I like to live my life from a proactive place where I’m choosing opportunities to EVOLVE. I feel like the better I get at EVOLVING from those choices I make, the better I can handle it when I am forced by circumstances out of my control to EVOLVE. I have that skill set. I know how to adapt to change. I know how to take care of myself, to push myself.
So think about what your life is going to be. Can it be a flow of ease and then EVOLVE, and then ease and then EVOLVE? Do you always have to be at ease? Where will that take you?
Perhaps learning the language might be a great way for you to EVOLVE. If you are surrounded by a new language now, there will never be a better place or a better opportunity to try to learn that language. Even if you never get fluent at it, or if it takes you years like it did for me. Think of all the benefits that will come your way just by making the conscious decision that you want to EVOLVE and honoring that commitment to yourself, even when it gets hard and uncomfortable. You’re worth it!
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