As an American, I grew up believing in the American Dream, which for me was the belief that through hard work and perseverance, anyone can rise “from rags to riches.” In many ways, my life is an example of that dream come true. But America and much of western culture has evolved from having an enthusiastic work ethic into a comfort obsessed, passive mass audience searching for a hassle-free existence. We want everything faster, easier, and on demand.
What if the secret of happiness was, in fact, the effort?
We know this is true at the gym. No pain, no gain – right? What if we started thinking of problems in life like resistance training, and convincing ourselves that it feels good?
Problem solving, according to brain researchers at UCLA, looks like it is the source of a long and happy life. Yet we spend so much of our lives trying to avoid problems and seeking comfort. Although problems are actually gifts and the very things that give us more life.
Like many people, I have a habit of trying to avoid problems. I would prefer to binge Netflix instead of doing my taxes for instance. However, it takes an ongoing mental effort to push problems out of the mind and shine the light only on distractions. The same energy that goes into problem avoidance could be going into problem solving. By avoiding problems, we create even more misery than we avoid. It’s not the problems themselves that make us miserable, it’s the deliberate act of avoidance that lowers our self-esteem and ruins our self-respect. I look at it as all the ways I sabotage myself and then beat myself up for it. None of that avoidance makes me feel good, nor does it actually solve my problems.
So I have started to think that the easier I am on myself, the harder life is on me.
Now that doesn’t mean I should beat myself up or wear myself out. It means that I have realized that we are happiest not when we are living in comfort, but when we are growing. The comfort zone is just a place to rest, not a place to live.
Some universal principle always wants us to see that the effort itself is important, even beautiful. That the journey is more important than the destination. That effort in itself is good fortune. And to try to avoid effort will eventually backfire.
I think that happiness comes from growth, not comfort. You can develop a mindset to think of everything that happens in life as a teaching moment, a treasured source of challenge. Problems are adventures in disguise.
Ask yourself, “What could I do today that I know would take a lot of glorious effort?”
As an expat, some of the things that used to be more commonplace can become challenging and frustrating abroad. What if you looked at that extra effort as the secret to happiness. Learning a new language, making friends, making an effort to understand the culture – perhaps these are not just the keys to adjusting, but to happiness too.
On my deathbed, I do not think I will wish I had been more comfortable, or that I had found an even easier, softer comfort zone to hide out in. I believe I will wish I had ventured out more. That I had spoken up more. Tried more things. Reinvented myself one more time.
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If you want to stop focusing on what you’ve given up and start creating the life you want abroad, then contact me now.
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