Reflecting to Go Forward Intentionally

Last night I went with my daughter to see The Christmas Carol production at her school. It was amazing. They scripted it in vignettes that you walked through in different parts of the school, which brought the audience into the story. On the way home, my daughter told me that she didn’t know Dickens’ classic story beforehand. 

The story is particularly poignant at this time of year when we tend to look back on the year and our life, as well as consider what we would like to work towards in the new year.

There was a point in the show during the visit of Christmas past, when Scrooge is lying on the floor wailing. He was wailing to mourn his regrets as well as to shut out what he didn’t want to face.

What a great reminder for us as we reflect on the year and our life, NOT to beat ourselves up. We tend to think that being cruel to ourselves will provide motivation to turn things around, but let’s face it; it hasn’t worked. We also would never treat a good friend that way if they shared their regrets with us. So let’s stop the self-flagellation right now. It clearly doesn’t work. Let’s try something new this year. Only by trying something new will we end up with different results than what we have right now.

Set about 30 minutes aside for yourself to reflect and set goals according to the Dickens Process. Using your past, the present and the future, you will examine limiting beliefs in depth and question them. Are you ready to create change in your life?

Like Scrooge, when we feel pain in either the past, present or future, we typically try to ignore it and focus on one of the other areas instead of changing, because we fear change. The regrets he felt from walking away from love, he avoided by focusing solely on working hard in his present. He needed to feel that he had made the right choice in his past when he chose work over love, even though he didn’t really believe he had made the right choice, so he continued to make that same choice over and over every hour in the present. Not surprisingly, the outcome never changed. He was unhappy and alone. He never even considered his future because of this pain either. He was convinced that at some point he would reach his goal and then he would be happy, but that just isn’t how it works. Happiness doesn’t follow success. It is the other way around. Success follows happiness.

It’s time to stop escaping yourself. Get out a pen and paper and get ready. Write down the answers to the following:

• What do you want to (finally) achieve next year?
• What 3 limiting, old beliefs of yours do not support what you wrote above?

Now it is time to let those ghosts visit you and to submerge yourself completely in your story. Write down your answers to each:

Ghost of the Past: What has each belief cost you in the past, and what has it cost people you’ve loved in the past? What have you lost because of this belief? Immerse yourself in it. See it, hear it, feel it.

Ghost of the Present: What is each costing you and people you care about in the present? See it, hear it, feel it.

Ghost of the Future: What will each cost you and people you care about 1, 3, 5, and 10 years from now? See it, hear it, feel it.

Dwelling on your handicapping beliefs is going to be painful, just like the suffering Scrooge endures. But don’t forget the incredible joy Scrooge experiences upon waking Christmas morning realizing he can change his life that very day.

Now that you are ready to awaken anew, write down responses to the following:

• What new beliefs will you start to work on in place of those limiting beliefs?
• What new behaviors can you start to schedule and plan today to align yourself with those new beliefs?

It’s incredible what you can accomplish when you stop driving with the emergency brake on, and get on with living your life the way you truly want, instead of in avoidance.

Get your paper and pen right now, immerse yourself completely in the Dickens Process, and get ready to make a real change in your life.