Moms – Making Time for You

For Mother’s Day, I would like to celebrate the expat Moms. Wouldn’t it be great if all the Moms out there made a pledge to make time for themselves this year! We tend to put everybody and everything ahead of ourselves, but the reality is that when we show up as the best version of ourselves, then everyone around us benefits. We can only be that best version when we make time for ourselves, and take care of ourselves. 

It is counterintuitive at times, but I always think about the airplane safety precautions. You need to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help others. 

I know only too well, that our instincts often have us trying to do everything else first, and then, if and when we have time, we will take care of our own needs. The problem is that we don’t often get around to our own needs. We start wondering why no one else is taking care of things or of us. We start getting run down. Add on top of that the expat challenges of mothering without a support system, language barriers, and husbands who often travel, and you have got all the makings of a resentful, unhappy woman. I’ve been there too.

The first step is realizing that only you can make yourself happy. It’s not your husband’s job, or your children’s job. It’s your job. When you take care of yourself, then you actually have more to give others in your life too. So if you need a good reason to break your habits, use your kids. You will be better able to give to them when you’ve taken care of yourself first.

Take some time first to think about what you really want for yourself, and what will recharge your batteries and feel like love to yourself. It can be small things, or big plans, but it should be something that you can do and own, not something you need someone else to do for you. 

When my daughter was small, I just wanted a little time to myself and to exercise more. I tried taking her to the daycare at the gym, but she cried so much that they always came and got me and I never made it through a whole class. Not a good workout and a huge helping of guilt on top! I had to change my expectations. I started by just taking a lot of long walks with her in the stroller. When I started back to work, I would change into my workout clothes before leaving work, drive to the daycare, and then run for as long as I could before daycare closed and I had to pick her up. I knew she was being well cared for, and I was finding time to take care of myself.

Another way I found some time for myself was changing my morning routine. My husband and daughter are both morning people, and I am certainly not. One day I realized that instead of dragging myself out of bed to take care of them both, that I could stay in bed, and let them take care of each other. It took a bit before we all started to feel comfortable with a change in routine, but it has been precious time for me to read, sleep, and gather my thoughts. The beauty of it is that it has brought my husband and daughter much closer together too. Just hearing them laughing and talking together in the morning warms my heart. 

Over time, my needs have changed. I started playing tennis weekly, joined a book group, became a certified life coach, and started my own business. Each of these endeavours required me stealing a bit of time that I would have likely lavished on others or housework. Every time I find a way to fulfill my own needs, I have grown as a person and have had more love and energy to take care of my family, without feeling resentment, or wishing they would do more. Just like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others in the plane.

So many of the mothers I work with struggle with taking care of themselves. They don’t know what they want, they don’t think they have time or energy to do what they want, and they don’t think that their needs are a priority. They are stuck, unfulfilled, and exhausted. I wish for all of those women, and frankly for all women, that on this Mother’s Day, they would give themselves the gift of self-love.

I’ve given you some tips on how I found some time for myself. Here are some other tips that have helped some of my clients meet their needs too:

• Find some other Moms who can relate, perhaps other expats
• If you have a hobby or interest, find a way to continue with it, maybe even do it from home
• Invite friends and family to visit, and visit them too
• Explore parts of your new country with your children
• Don’t be afraid to hire help or get creative watching your friend’s child one night and have them reciprocate the next week
• Get some exercise any way that you can
• Do things at night after your child has gone to bed

So on this Mother’s Day, and for the entire month of May, I would like to give a shout out to all the mothers around the world. You are amazing women! I am constantly in awe around other mothers and find so much inspiration in all that they accomplish and create. I hope that you will use your wonderful powers to decide what you need for yourself, and create some time to dedicate towards that, because you can only continue to radiate all that love outwards when you feel it inside for yourself first. Happy Mother’s Day!