“I’m a quitter.” “I’ve never been an outgoing person.” “I’m not big on small talk.” “I don’t like to ask for help.” “I’m not good with technology.” “I get bored easily.” “I’m a procrastinator.” “I’m a chocoholic.” These are some of the ways people I’ve worked with have described themselves, or the beliefs they have about themselves.
What we call personality is really just a history of habits. In fact, most of our “permanent” personality was shaped during puberty from fear: fear of embarrassment, fear of appearing uncool, fear of appearing phony. In fact, there are many different people hiding inside of us – a woman, a mother, an expat, a sister, a tennis player, a teacher, a competitive person, a compassionate friend, are just some examples. There are also many other people inside of us that we have never yet tapped into too.
Some people retain an exaggerated fascination with their own put-upon identities. We will break any commitment in order to keep our personality. We want personality to trump commitment. The misplaced loyalty we give to our personalities causes us tremendous misery and confusion.
Realize that who you think you “are” won’t always work for the challenge at hand. There’s nothing wrong with that. Leave personality behind. When you start relaxing the grip you have on your permanent identity and see that you can be anyone, who you want to be will become a more important person than who you “are.”
By saying “I could never do that,” you deepen the illusion that you are stuck in something mediocre, that you are stuck in someone mediocre. The greatness you see in others is also in you. You can find it inside you, no matter who you are, no matter who you’ve invented yourself to be. Practice saying, “I can do that,” every time you see someone do something great.
If you tell yourself you have one personality, you limit your range of action. You rule out being great. When it comes to who you want to be in any circumstance, you have options.
You can begin a new story about yourself today. “Who would you need to be?” to do that thing.
You can invent yourself to be someone who thinks of everything that happens in life as a teaching moment, a treasured source of challenge. Your mind was given to you to use to create the person you want to be.
What are the negative, heavy, judgmental beliefs you have about yourself? Let’s start letting that drop away. Open up to all kinds of opportunities and possibilities you never knew were there. All those fears you thought you needed to cling to to keep you “safe” no longer apply.
We don’t have permanent personalities, we have shifting patterns of thought. All it takes is relentless practice. You are not stuck.
If you would like to continue this work with me, then schedule a free trial coaching session.
If you want to stop focusing on what you’ve given up and start creating the life you desire abroad, then contact me now.
Do you find yourself questioning your decision to move abroad? Do you want to start feeling better now?
If so, then you need to take advantage of this exclusive opportunity to work with me, your Certified Life Coach and fellow expat.
Can’t wait to work with you.