To help see the path from adversity to opportunity, practice the ABCD model of interpretation, which is a classic cognitive behavioral therapy technique. The letters stand for Adversity, Belief, Consequence and Disputation. You may note some similarities between this model and the OTRDI Model I have written about previously.
Adversity is the event we can’t change, or the objective circumstances.
Belief is our reaction to the event, or our thoughts. Why we thought it happened and what we think it means for the future. If we see Adversity as an opportunity for growth then we maximize the chance of a positive Consequence. But if our Belief has led us down a pessimistic path, helplessness and inaction can bring negative Consequences.
That’s when we put D to work. Disputation involves first telling ourselves that our Belief is just that – a Belief, not fact – and then challenging or Disputing it. Psychologists recommend that we externalize this voice so it’s like we’re actually arguing with another person. Would we let a friend get away with such reasoning? What are some other plausible interpretations of this event? Or decatastrophize by taking the time to show ourselves that while the Adversity is real, it is perhaps not as catastrophic as we may have made it out to be.
Thousands of years of evolution have made us so remarkably good at adapting to even the most extreme life circumstances that Adversity never hits us quite as hard or for quite as long as we think it might. Just knowing this quirk of human psychology – that our fear of Consequences is always worse than the Consequences themselves – can help us move toward a more optimistic interpretation of the downs we will inevitably face.
The overall idea is that your thoughts can generate your feelings, similar to the OTRDI model. So, if you take active control of your thoughts, you are in turn taking active control of your emotions (Reivich & Shatte, 2003).
Let’s put this ABCD model to work in a typical expat scenario.
Adversity: I have moved to a new country for my partner’s job.
Belief: Nothing works out for me here job wise. I don’t feel useful. This is a lot of change.
Consequence: I don’t want to face my concerns or problems or even think about them. I am not working, and not really applying myself effectively to look for a job, and I am ashamed of that. I give up quickly. I distract myself with other things. I am not really doing things that I enjoy doing. I cry sometimes. I resent my partner. I am afraid that I made a mistake and I am just wasting my time here.
Disputation:
- That’s not completely true because . . . I am working because I am regularly looking through want ads, updating my CV and LinkedIn profile, researching potential places to work, and networking (generate one piece of evidence to point out the inaccuracy in your Beliefs).
- A more accurate way of seeing this is . . .it will likely just take me some time to acclimate myself and find meaningful work (generate a more accurate or optimistic alternative Belief about the Adversity).
- I can . . . use all this extra time I have because I am not currently working to not only work on finding a job, but to get to know this new country better, to learn the language, to meet new people and challenge myself with new experiences – all of which will likely help me network and make myself more valuable to an employer (put it in perspective).
The beginning of this model validates and puts into words what you are facing, how you are choosing to think about it and the results that your thoughts are producing. The final step in the model changes your energy and lets you see solutions you couldn’t see before.
The ABCD model is particularly useful when your thoughts hit critical mass and begin to tip your feelings into places you don’t want them to go. Practice makes perfect with this exercise, so use it often!
Sometimes it can be so hard for you to separate your Beliefs from the Adversity that you begin to think that your Beliefs are actually facts, even though they are not, they are just your thoughts. When this happens, and you can’t see any way to Dispute your Beliefs, then it is a good time to seek an outside perspective, from a trusted friend or coach.
If you would like to continue this work with me, then schedule a free trial coaching session.
If you want to stop focusing on what you’ve given up and start creating the life you want abroad, then contact me now.
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