Particularly when we first move abroad, we can feel a loss of identity for the old you in the old life. We often feel like we are lacking a sense of purpose, since our old purpose didn’t just transfer to the new place. This can leave one spinning in uncertainty and doubt.
It might sound like I’m trying to be controversial, but my suggestion is to lose your old identity, because it’s your worst enemy. It’s holding you back. Not just now, in this new place. But it’s probably been holding you back for a while. Be willing to change. Just taking the step to move abroad has been a great step on your path to self-development. That’s why it feels so uncomfortable. Because you have chosen to break out and start something new, which might require you developing into someone slightly new too.
Don’t focus on your past. Ask, “How do I want to be now?” Create daily an entirely fresh future and commit to living it now.
When you read that, you might be thinking, “But I don’t know how to do what I want to do, or what I was used to doing here?” That might be true. But you can choose to perceive every circumstance as an opportunity to grow and stay on your mission. And if this opportunity is also challenging, that’s even better. If there’s no challenge, you cannot grow and become stronger. Problems make you better, stronger, wiser and more creative.
When you are focusing on finding your purpose abroad, you can get stuck in indecision. Sometimes it is best to stop trying to decide what to do. Instead to just choose something for now, and do it.
Why not do something with your time? Wake up and create projects and small adventures that lead you to the grand vision you want. “Creators create their futures by what they do today,” according to Steve Chandler in the Time Warrior. Yet don’t hold your happiness hostage to the achievement of a long term goal.
I learned I can solve all this worry and decision making anxiety by taking action. What’s my next action? Do it now. You don’t need to know what to do or how to do something. You need to simply choose to do it.
I also find as an expat it helps to learn to be fearless in some areas of your life, and then let the joy spread. Sometimes when I act like a tourist for a day in my new home country, I am more willing to take chances and less worried about doing things wrong. This can give me the confidence I need to better handle things in other areas of my life. “Take decisive action and your fear won’t matter. Take that decisive action enough times and your fear won’t exist anymore,” says Steve Chandler.
Sometimes I find myself getting homesick. When I have focused on what causes homesickness, I usually come up with small things, like lack of access to my old favorite junk food. Or not being able to share a meal with my family or friends. When I can shift my yearning from the outside to myself, then I can start becoming fulfilled. When I really reflect on it, I realize that I am actually yearning for comfort, safety and connection. With this realization, I can start to think of ways I can create those feelings for myself. I don’t need to find those specific foods to feel comfort, or fly halfway across the world to feel connection. Happiness grows from the inside out. Outside circumstance has nothing to do with happiness.
My final thought when trying to find your footing abroad, is how we often have a story of a wonderful past elsewhere, or of a future perfect world and it’s often those stories that ruin the even better world right in front of us.
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