Why do we end up thinking our lives have gone wrong or something about us is off?
Have you heard your brain tell you things like…
I should be better looking.
I should be smarter.
I should be more outgoing.
I should be adapting better.
I should be able to make friends easier.
Something has gone terribly wrong with my life.
It is time to uncover the story you have about how life is supposed to be. Everyone has this narrative going on, beneath the surface, of a life that should exist and doesn’t. You have many ‘shoulds’ about yourself. Let’s uncover them so we can let them go.
What do you think is wrong with the world?
How should the world be instead?
How do you feel when you think that the world should be different?
hat do you think should be different about you?
What do you wish were better?
How would your life be better or different if these things were to change?
How do you feel when you think about how you should be different?
Look at your collective stories about how you and your life should be different than they are. Notice how you feel. Notice the tension because of the argument with reality.
Most of us want to be different than we are, better than we are, so we miss out on enjoying the extraordinary experience of being ourselves.
The easiest trick I have found is to remember that I didn’t create myself. I was created. It’s not my place to judge the creation. It’s my place to marvel at it. Enjoy it. There’s never been a human made exactly like me. I wonder why not? I wonder why me? Why this way? Why now? It’s important that I’m exactly the way I am and that my life is exactly the way it is.
Think about your life without the story of how it should be. Imagine that every single thing that happened or is happening is exactly right, on time, hard on purpose, and for you.
If there is no specific way that your life is supposed to be, where does that leave you? If life is simply what it is, then you are able to enjoy it as it is. But not only that, you get to stop trying to tolerate it because it isn’t what you want it to be. Suddenly, there is nothing to lose and you can go after any desire you truly want. How hard that is and how that feels stop being deterrents and start motivating us to create. How might your life change if you were willing to see life from this perspective?