Working to restore equilibrium in your relationship is essential after your marriage has been thrown off BALANCE during any stormy transition. Equality means individuals know and appreciate that both parties bring value as a person to the marriage.
What we are really after is respect. We want to be respected for our contribution, for our efforts, for our talents and abilities. We want to be respected for the many things we do to keep our families’ lives functioning smoothly.
The responsibility for placing value on our contribution to the partnership is our own. It falls on the one who feels undervalued or stuck with all the mundane chores to make their position clear.
Nothing makes a relationship feel unequal faster than the way household labor is divided. One way to achieve BALANCE is for each spouse to stick to the roles for which they are best suited, regardless of customs or traditions dictated by society.
William J. Lederer and Don D. Jackson, authors of The Mirages of Marriage, suggest a quid pro quo process, meaning “something for something.” “It is a technique which enables each partner to preserve his or her dignity and self-esteem. Their equality may not be apparent to the world at large; it may be based upon values meaningless to anyone else, yet serve to maintain the relationship because the people involved perceive their behavioral BALANCE as fair and mutually satisfying.”
A person who feels they are being controlled, denied the rights of reasonable self-determination, will fight to regain control. We have got to let go of being the eternal victim and instead accept that forced changes often translate into a much more interesting and satisfying life.
When both spouses accept that success and happiness can be defined, and redefined, quite differently for each other as the years and circumstances go by, that’s when quid pro quo translates into a harmonious partnership based on growth and respect rather than a competition to see who’s getting the fairer deal.
Recent studies show that the key to marital longevity is endurance. Couples who tough out the more difficult years actually end up being happier than those who divorce over problems.
Despite the down days as an expat and the moving traumas, the constant change created by the expat lifestyle is a good thing, in my opinion. It can mean growth and opportunity as an individual and in your partnership too.
If you would like to continue this work with me, then schedule a free trial coaching session.
If you want to stop focusing on what you’ve given up and start loving your life abroad, then contact me now.
Do you find yourself questioning your decision to move abroad? Do you want to start feeling better now?
If so, then you need to take advantage of this exclusive opportunity to work with me, your Certified Life Coach and fellow expat.
Can’t wait to work with you.