SEX

In relocation, a couple’s SEX life is often the first casualty. A number of relocated couples don’t have SEX at all for different reasons. Anger, exhaustion, and a lack of communication all play a part. Sometimes there might have been a small problem before, and moving makes the problem grow. 

Whatever compromises a couple comes up with, they will never entirely eliminate power struggles in the bedroom. Talking about it creates tension, but so does avoiding it altogether. 

When a partner feels out of control in her life and her marriage, it’s not uncommon for her to seize one part of the relationship in which she can claim the upper hand. For some that is setting the timetable for SEX. 

Withholding or constantly acting disinterested in SEX because someone is controlling every other part of your life, may seem like a great idea in the short term. But it’s obviously not a long-term, viable solution for a happy relationship.

There are other emotional issues that can get in the way of SEX and have nothing to do with the love you feel for your partner. They have everything to do with how you feel about yourself, which particularly at the beginning of a relocation, can be pretty lousy. A woman’s SEX drive is significantly affected by events in her life. “When the same events happen to a man, he sees SEX as a sleeping pill – a way of releasing the built-up tensions of the day,” according to authors Barbara and Allan Pease of Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps. “

A woman’s depression over moving overseas will negatively affect her physical relationship with her partner. When she’s depressed, a woman isn’t going to feel like “connecting” with her mate, or with anyone else, for that matter.

Part of a woman’s depression abroad may come from her struggle to establish a new identity. There may be an undercurrent of anger as well. 

If intimacy can be re-established after a stressful move, it can save the day. Intimacy is often described simply as an emotional closeness or bond between two people. If a couple can work towards feeling close again after a move, it will have a positive impact on almost all aspects of their life. The problem arises when we confuse intimacy with winning approval, when we look to intimate relationships as our sole source of self-esteem.

The better a woman feels about herself, the more likely it is she will feel confident and ready to live her entire life to the fullest, including her married life. Strong feelings of self-worth are required before she can comfortably walk out the door to find paid employment, or make new friends, and these feelings are essential to keeping her relationship strong. 

One tip for connecting with your partner is to find any leisure activity in which you can engage together to feel close. Robin Pascoe, author of A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It says, “Golf can be one of the most relaxing, nonconfrontational ways to be with your husband, even when circumstances have created a tremendous distance between you or you’re carrying a load of anger or resentment. “