ISOLATION

ISOLATION and its common companion, desolation, are usually felt most often in the early days after moving to a new place, but COVID restrictions have increased this feeling for practically everyone. While technology allows us to feel more connected and less alone when arriving somewhere new, it will not combat the ISOLATION felt by an expat left alone to set up a new home and build a new life.

In the early days after a move, the toughest challenges can exist inside your own head. The mind can be a dangerous place if there is no adult supervision in there. If you are a trailing spouse, you are likely asking yourself, “ What am I going to do with the rest of my life now that I have given up everything to follow my partner’s career?” While there exist a lot of tools to help you with the external relocation, there is less help available to process these internal aspects of relocation: who you are, how you feel about yourself, and how you interact with your partner.

Your initial ISOLATION in a new place can lead to serious neediness and the loss of independence. Right after a move, you rely on your partner to be everything from a friend to Mr. Fixit. If you’ve always been an independent spirit, this is a major aftershock of any move. Neediness is not attractive. Without your independence as an emotional shield, you feel naked and vulnerable.

It’s only natural to feel invisible in a new place where you don’t know anyone, no one knows you, and you are completely dependent upon one person, your mate, for everything.

People survive and thrive on relationships and connection, and an overseas move forces you to abandon those altogether.

Most people who move for their partners’ jobs struggle to re-establish their identities and networks. But the longer it takes to reconnect with your surroundings, the more potential damage to your self-image you may be facing. Therefore you need to get out there as quickly as possible and meet new people.

If you are feeling ISOLATED in your new location, here are two strategies for finding your footing.

Learn to communicate. When partners can begin to see and understand what’s going on for the other person, this empathy will strengthen the relationship. Of course, both parties need to be listening without criticizing or letting your own feelings intrude.

Join everything. If connections, relationships, and finding a purpose are key to our well-being and identity, then sign up for everything that looks remotely interesting. If nothing else, these activities will get you outside your own door and your own head.

ISOLATION  is not a sign that something has gone wrong, but that something has changed. These challenges you are facing will not be your undoing, but they may require you to get to know yourself better and to grow as a person as well as in your relationship.