Last month was my birthday and the one year anniversary of the pandemic. These two events really had me feeling down and out for more than two weeks. I know people expect life coaches to have it all together, but we are human and struggle too.
My slump gave me the opportunity to remember what it is like to feel really low, and to clarify the process I use with my clients and myself, and share it here.
First, I spent some time thinking and writing about what was bothering me. I quickly realized that the main emotion I was feeling was FRUSTRATION. I allowed myself to feel FRUSTRATED, which for me feels hot in my face and tight in my chest.
Then I spent some time thinking and writing about what was really behind my FRUSTRATION. Now I would like to tell you it was the pandemic dragging on and ruining my birthday. But when I really reflected on those circumstances, I realized I was thinking that someone else should take care of this, that things should be easier now, that I have already paid my dues, that I deserve better, and that it shouldn’t happen this way.
Those thoughts were actually causing my FRUSTRATION, not having my birthday during a pandemic. Because let’s face it, my birthday last year was the beginning of the lockdown and pandemic, my plans for spending the weekend in Paris were cancelled, and still I didn’t fall into a dramatic slump then. The only reason I did this year was because I was thinking I deserved better than I felt I was getting.
Once I had really come to grips with my thoughts and feelings, I looked at how I had been acting. I had baked myself a birthday cake and eaten cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was buying myself things online. I was binge watching Netflix. Basically, I was acting like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.
My thoughts were creating feelings of FRUSTRATION, which caused me to act like an emotional toddler, which resulted in me spoiling my own fun for my birthday. Awareness is your goal during this process.
This model is one of the coaching tools I use with my clients so that they can see how they are creating their own results. One you are truly aware, you can consciously choose whether you wish to continue that cycle, or break it.
I didn’t want to stay stuck in FRUSTRATION. I spent some time thinking about the results I did want to create. I wanted to take better care of myself and my body, to enjoy time with my family, and to better articulate the coaching process I use with my clients to help them achieve the results they desire.
Then I thought about what emotion would help me generate those results. I chose ‘empowered.’ I thought about the actions I would take towards my goals if I was feeling empowered. I would take actions that were good for me – decide the night before when I will wake up in the morning and get up then; decide the night before what I will eat and honor those plans; exercise or move my body; get enough sleep; be present with my family during meals, evenings and weekends; make plans for my family time; have fun and laugh with my family; analyze the process I go through to achieve my results; analyze the process I take my clients through for them to achieve their desired results, and try to articulate as clearly as possible this process.
The last part was to create a thought that can generate the emotion of being empowered for me. I think I can still work on that one, but this is what I came up with so far, “I have everything that I need and the tools I have can help others too.” This is a thought that I genuinely believe, and that felt good, and made me feel empowered.
I used this model to analyze why I was in such a funk and to create a new model to get out of the funk and reach my desired results. In addition, I spent some time thinking and writing for clarity, and I got coached when I felt stuck. That’s right, most coaches I know believe so strongly in coaching that they pay for their own coach to help them get their desired results faster. I also had compassion for myself and realized that pulling myself out of the slump might not happen overnight, so I didn’t beat myself up when I felt some FRUSTRATION, or felt that toddler rearing its head. Instead I kept practicing the model I had generated for empowerment.
This is the process I went through to pull myself out of my slump and it mirrors the process I take my clients through to reach their desired results. I also teach them the model as we go through it, and help them practice it, so that they can use it on their own. Empowered feels so much better than FRUSTRATED. And nothing had to change but my thoughts, something that I actually have the power to control. Unlike this pandemic!
If you are feeling in a funk, in a slump, stuck in frustration or out of control, then please reach out for a free trial coaching session today.