Once you have lived or traveled to a developing country it becomes obvious that human happiness does not come from material luxury, especially once the basic needs of survival have been met. Instead happiness comes from more intangible factors such as an overall feeling of self-confidence, the comfort of a familiar environment, good relationships with family and friends, a sense of accomplishment in productive activity, and the excitement of adventure.
Unfortunately most of these are precisely the elements that tend to be disrupted in an overseas move.
In order to successfully ADAPT, it helps to work on the following components:
- Developing your language and cross-cultural skills
- Creating a comfortable home base
- Building a support network and making friends
- Learning to function in your new environment
- Finding meaningful and enjoyable activities
These components will not likely come together overnight. As you work towards them, consider making a list of what will make your life bearable and hopefully happy. Give yourself credit for your accomplishments, no matter how small. Reflect on your progress regularly to see how far you have come.
Cross-cultural skills can be mind boggling when you are surrounded by people who take invisible rules of behavior for granted and wonder why you don’t fit in. The local version of what makes sense will lead people in your host country to conclusions that are quite different from yours. Finding mentors who understand the local customs can be helpful. Also, ask alot of questions phrased positively, such as “How can I make a good impression when I first meet someone?” instead of complaining about the local ways.
Inevitably some local behaviors will seem misguided to you, and you will encounter people that will act in ways you consider insulting. Be assured that some of the things you do will be just as offensive to local people. I find it really helpful to act as an anthropologist doing research and hold off on judgment. Some customs will turn out to be refreshing changes, and some will just provide you a different perspective, not necessarily one you will agree with.
Do what you can as quickly as you can to make your new quarters feel inviting. Personalize it as best you can, regardless of how temporary or bare it might be. Having guests over will give you a reason to brighten up the place and will help create a sense of home.
Social interaction has been shown to be vital for psychological and even physical health. Spend some time and effort meeting people such as neighbors, work colleagues, mothers in the area, and fellow expats. There are so many expat groups, clubs, and online communities to help you locate contacts. Even if you don’t consider yourself outgoing, attend at least a few sessions of groups that correspond to your interests. Even if the group seems dull, you may meet potential friends or gain helpful info.
Attitudes, both positive and negative, are contagious. So whenever possible, try to surround yourself with local people and expats who have ADAPTED well to your host country and are enthusiastic about living there.
At first, a seemingly simple job such as finding a mop can turn into a half-day procedure when you don’t know the language or the ropes. Many of your recipes may turn out to be useless because ingredients aren’t available. Although you will feel incompetent at first, forcing yourself to do errands on your own will help build your self-confidence in your new environment. If you approach them with a sense of humor, they may even add to the adventure of living overseas.
Finally, a sense of purpose and enjoyment is essential to a satisfying life, no matter where you are. They give you a reason to get up in the morning and a reason why you are there. You might be overseas for work or perhaps an accompanying family member. Regardless, there is a high correlation between foreigners who function at their best overseas and those with the keenest interest in exploring their host country. Tourists may pay thousands of dollars just to get where you are. Find out what your new country has to offer. Especially when you are feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood or hassled, get out and be a tourist for a while.
Your time overseas can be viewed as a sentence or as an opportunity for personal growth and adventure. If you spend your time wishing you were somewhere else, this time may seem pointless and empty. Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So explore, dream, and discover.
If six months or more go by and you feel like you are still not ADAPTING, get help. Reach out to other expats, religious organizations, your employer, local psychologists, or schedule a free coaching call with me.
Your time overseas can provide you with so many new experiences, opportunities and viewpoints. Most importantly, you can push yourself beyond your previous boundaries, grow in your self-development and open yourself to new ways of thinking and living.
If you would like to continue this work with me, then schedule a free trial coaching session.
If you want to stop focusing on what you’ve given up and start loving your life abroad, then contact me now.
Do you find yourself questioning your decision to move abroad? Do you want to start feeling better now?
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