For so long, I felt caught between being a mom and being a working woman. For much of that time, I was just left feeling that I was NOT ENOUGH; NOT a good ENOUGH Mother; not as good of an employee as I used to be; NOT a good ENOUGH wife. It felt like I fell short almost daily. I felt like I was constantly racing from one place to the next, always feeling as though I should be wherever I wasn’t, giving my time to whoever wasn’t getting my time at the moment. It was so hard to enjoy the moment, because my brain was usually focusing on what I should be doing next.
Even on days when I thought it was going well, I would get home from work and realize I had a Cheerio stuck on the shoulder of my suit all day and no one had told me. Then I would convince myself that the good day had just been an illusion and really, I wasn’t managing well enough. One of the worst days was when my employer forced me to do a presentation for my colleagues on my day off and my daycare cancelled last minute. I had to do the presentation holding my daughter in my arms. I actually thought I had pulled it off, only to have a colleague approach and roughly comment, “What is this, a daycare center?” Yup, I cried the whole way home.
At the root of feeling NOT ENOUGH is our belief that other people are better, or are doing it better.
We are constantly judging ourselves and finding fault, while simultaneously looking for the successes of those around us. You can see how looking for our own flaws, while looking only for other people’s positive qualities or experiences is a losing battle for our self-worth. Likewise, focusing only on your strong qualities and judging everyone else based on their flaws will have you feeling like the rest of the world is NOT ENOUGH.
When my daughter was born, I thought she was perfect and wonderful. What if all of us, just by being born into this world are good enough? We were all born worthy, and there is nothing we can do to change that. Yell at your children – worthy. Lose all your money – worthy. Make a mistake at work – worthy. Burn dinner – still worthy. These are things we do, not who we are, and they don’t change our worth as a human.
Prettier can’t increase our worthiness. Being skinnier, richer, smarter, kinder – none of these things can increase your worthiness. Changing what you do will never make you more worthy.
You are already good enough, and there is nothing you can do about it. Any thought you have to the contrary is a lie.
You have permission to laugh when you find the Cheerio on your suit at the end of the day, have compassion for yourself when you have to give a presentation holding your child, and love yourself when you make a mistake. When you are not worrying that you are NOT ENOUGH you will find yourself telling your employer that you can’t come in on your day off unless they find and pay for daycare. Perhaps then they will find someone else who can give your presentation, or change the date. When you believe that you are already good enough, you will stop judging yourself and others. Your worthiness is already at capacity, and nothing you have done or will do makes you less worthy as a human.
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